I apologize for this not being a verse full of Christmas cheer,
But its the truth and it may instead fill you full of Christmas fear.
So hide your kids, hide your wife, we're gonna cut to the quick with a very sharp knife.
You know Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Cupid,
And I'm sure after sixty years of song you know Rudolph-the-Red-Noser,
and Donder and Blitzen, and all of those guys,
But do you recall, the fattest one of them all?
Yes we speak of our very own, Santa Clausen,
For our beloved Santa Claus is nothing other than a molester!
On the weekends they call him Uncle Fester.
Its a Hoax! Over are all the jokes,
Burn his fancy red coats, Its a Hoax, It tell ya',
An old fat man with a big beard and a big red sack! Are you guys out of your mind?!
For its not toys in that big red sack,
But its nothing other than little girls and little boys!
'Twas the night before Christmas, when Sant Claus came to my house
He took all of my children! and even my mouse.
I ran down the stairs all kinds of unawares,
Just to see their tiny fingers and toes
Sticking out of his bag as up the chimney he rose.
I dashed to the window, only to stare 'ere he drove out of sight. . .
Surprised? Yeah, me too.
But what's a man to do?
So I poured myself a cup of nog,
And then shouted at the top of my lungs "Woohoo!
All the presents are mine, let the Christmas bells chime! . . .
By about this time he'll be down in Vegas;
I heard he shaved his beard for a Fu Manchu.*
Merry Christmas and God Bless you everyone.
*spelt Foo Man Shoo in my original.
But its the truth and it may instead fill you full of Christmas fear.
So hide your kids, hide your wife, we're gonna cut to the quick with a very sharp knife.
You know Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Cupid,
And I'm sure after sixty years of song you know Rudolph-the-Red-Noser,
and Donder and Blitzen, and all of those guys,
But do you recall, the fattest one of them all?
Yes we speak of our very own, Santa Clausen,
For our beloved Santa Claus is nothing other than a molester!
On the weekends they call him Uncle Fester.
Its a Hoax! Over are all the jokes,
Burn his fancy red coats, Its a Hoax, It tell ya',
An old fat man with a big beard and a big red sack! Are you guys out of your mind?!
For its not toys in that big red sack,
But its nothing other than little girls and little boys!
'Twas the night before Christmas, when Sant Claus came to my house
He took all of my children! and even my mouse.
I ran down the stairs all kinds of unawares,
Just to see their tiny fingers and toes
Sticking out of his bag as up the chimney he rose.
I dashed to the window, only to stare 'ere he drove out of sight. . .
Surprised? Yeah, me too.
But what's a man to do?
So I poured myself a cup of nog,
And then shouted at the top of my lungs "Woohoo!
All the presents are mine, let the Christmas bells chime! . . .
By about this time he'll be down in Vegas;
I heard he shaved his beard for a Fu Manchu.*
Merry Christmas and God Bless you everyone.
*spelt Foo Man Shoo in my original.
